Croup Again and other yucks

Well, the cold front has come in and my little girl has croup again. Apparently, she has this to look forward to every time she gets sick until she is around 5 or 6. I try to make my kids as comfortable as possible when they are sick. I think I make it too much fun because they often try to say they are sick to get all the fun stuff. They get to make confetti, watch mommy make silly faces to make the medicine go down better, watch all their favorite movies, eat lots of citrus fruit (ok they get this even when they are not sick), a special favorite cup for drinks, and favorite foods because I need them to eat a little. I do these to help give them some comfort to allow them to sleep and help ease all the discomfort illnesses bring.
Sometimes, I wish I could be sick because those are the few days I get a break. I get to lie in bed, have meals brought, and sleep. Then I begin to think of how much I miss alone in this room. My little angel is realizing it when she hears her brother and cousin play in the other room. She wants to play so bad, but can't because she is contagious while she has a fever. Hopefully, it passes soon. Ironically, her brother is jealous because he wants to be the one in the room watching movies, coloring, making confetti, etc. He forgets that he is often feeling really bad when we are doing these things. And he yearns to be out playing with them when he is in the room.

It is pretty much human nature isn't it. We see someone else doing something we think is so great. We forget how much work it takes to get to that point or how much may be given up to have so much, but we want to be there without all the labor. We've come to a point that we all want instant gratification and do not show gratitude for what we already have. I find myself doing that many times and have to keep myself in check. I have so much to be thankful for and I know I still have many desires, but the trials and tribulations that I must go through to get my heart's desire make it so much more worthwhile. Don't get me wrong, there are days I want to scream and say, " how much longer do I have to suffer?" I even began to think I can't go any further and it is just hopeless, but then I have to step back;have faith and know there is a plan. It is greater than anything I could imagine and that if I persevere, I'll see something wonderful.

So, sitting in the sick room is boring.There are little joys here and there with colorful confetti, but soon I want to be out there with everyone else. Sharing in the big joys. And when I am ready, I'll have a blast.

Trying not to judge

So, today we stopped at a church with an indoor playground. It's a beautiful place and they are very generous to open it to the public. Very clean and nice. I am sure they have a ton of people come through and maybe some not so friendly. However, when you come to the church, there is a sign for guest parking. It directs you to the front of the building. The doors are locked and the hours the church is open is printed on the glass. We knocked nicely on the door to see if anyone would open the doors. Waved to a few. A group of ladies saw, but turned the other way and walked out the opposite side without acknowledging if they saw us or direct us to another direction. Then one person stepped behind a reception desk (there is one on each side). She finally waved us around, but by that time the brother of one of ladies' with us had made it to the doors and walked all the way over to let us in. Ok, it is hard not to judge...even if it wasn't a church. How can you ignore 3 ladies and 6 kids waiting at a door? At least, just wave us around. It would be tough to repack everyone, but it can be done. It would also be kinder to guests to direct them to an entrance that is open. As large as the church, it is easy to get lost. Therefore, I understand keeping only the doors open in which someone can monitor who comes in. The only issue is to have signs that will help direct the back entrance to know they have someone to talk to and direct them to the correct location.

Terrible aren't I...judging a bit a church when I am completely imperfect. I think I was most upset with the ladies that didn't even say or help us find our way. I have helped others before;especially when I know they are lost. Just one gesture goes a long way.

I think I'm done venting...but I feel there is something more I want to say...I'll have to think on it. :-)

Marketing

BTW, if you ever want to learn more about the sermon...I believe you can go to the site and get

http://www.northwoodag.com/Northwood_Assembly/Home.html

In Houston in case it doesn't go completely to the site.

Contagious Personalities

As you can tell my last post was written a little more fluidly because I had a little fluid (mojito) to spur the thoughts. You get the typos and missed words all together.

Today, the Pastor's mom gave the sermon as he was out of town. I really like both the pastor and his mom. Great speakers! Intense and they make so much sense. She was talking about getting clues as to what makes a Christian. There are 3 types she gave:a) Clueless b) Counterfeit c)Contagious. I know she gave examples of all and admittedly the beginning I lost a little because I am working on little sleep. The clueless Christian really doesn't know anything about their walk and where they stand (I think, this is what I missed). The Counterfeit is the one that many have encountered;given such contempt in many non-Christians for Christians. They show one face to you, but truly in their heart they do not believe or have faith in what they are saying. The last I love, the Contagious. I have a few friends that are this way....actually a group of ladies in NC. They are all so Contagious. They are at various stages in their walk with Christ, but the room lights up when they are there and you feel you are infested with so much light, you can't help smiling. Don't get me wrong...they are not perfect. The only one to claim that title is Christ, but man they are all women I would love to emulate. They are all different, but there is a light, a joy, and immense strength that comes from them, you just want to be around them all the time. That is where I want to be. I think I waffle sometimes between the desire to be Contagious and Clueless. I try very hard not to be counterfeit, but I admit that must come out sometimes. I am human and I know my pride and vanity are my greatest weakness. I try not to judge anyone for what I see. I have enough non-believers as friends that they keep me in check as to how the world sees me. Not to make approval by the world, but to show if I seem false to anyone. That is one trait I can't stand, but is a weakness in myself. I lie to try not hurt someone else's feelings or to get around to the things I think I need. And man does it bite me in the butt when it comes back on me. Do you agree that sometimes the traits you hate most in yourself are the ones you are most adamant not to have around you? The people that show these traits bring out the worst in you and probably carry the brunt of the angry reaction. They reflect the worst side of you. LOL...the hardest training for me in this matter is having children. They reflect everything back - the best and the worst of yourself. I think I drive harder at trying to eradicate the worst of my traits out of my children. I have had to ask them to forgive me several times because it is not right for me to be this way when I ask them not to be this way. This is where I believe the Lord has a tremendous sense of humor.

I have often asked to work on certain personality traits in myself and prayed that the Lord will give me strength and wisdom to change these traits. I've come to realize these are the days I have the hardest battles with my children. I ask for patience and they test it all day long. To where I have to sit before them and take a deep breath. Say a prayer and then realize that whole day was training in patience. It just depends on how I choose to handle the situations before me. Do I blow up and continue to regret how I've reacted or acknowledge I have decided to call upon the Lord to help them through. To show my children that I'm not perfect and that I too must ask forgiveness. That even I get so angry I want to yell and scream, but blow and blow air out until I can calm down. Then pray and say I give up my anger and give up all that is pent up to the Lord. To really give it up and say I'm not going to hold it. This the only way they will understand. Hopefully, this is contagious. Hopefully, they become contagious to a world losing hope...losing their dreams. They will infect the people with life given through them from Christ.

Remember, a contagion can be good and it can be bad. We know the bad ones in illness,but we know the bad ones in people too. Find the ones that bring light. Stay away from the ones that steal your light and bring you lower than when you first came together. To keep away from them forever. It is those living in the darkness that need you the most, just don't go out there without ammunition. when you are filled with the light and feel compelled to share it with those around you....SHARE...go forth and send light to those around you. I guarantee there is someone guiding you and will not leave you in darkness.

Tipsy Ramblings

So, I have not forgotten my last topic on morality and morals. I walk a fine line on that issue. I still hold very strongly to the Christian theology of right and wrong because it gives a clearer and better purpose in life. No need for the atheists, agnostics, pagans, wiccans, or other such to push against my barrier on this. I will still teach my children this theology as I rather have a sense of purpose with a basic structure of good vs evil...no matter the triviality as some may see it, nor the sense of illogical to those with little sense of hope or imagination.

It may be my tipsiness that allows such writings as my sister-in-law imbibed a bit and watched Baby's Mama...hahaha...I know not the most intellectual of movies, but boy did it make me laugh. I have to wonder to wonder what drives the non-believers to succeed in life. The motto of I do what I want because it is right for me or because it is my just dues. Doesn't make alot of sense to me. Life is complicated and without hope it makes it that much harder to push forward. Hopes and Dreams as THEY say. Yet, if you do what you want when you want, it still causes harm to another. A sociopath doesn't think that what they are doing is wrong. These days it is most of us on the days in which we want to do what we want because we want it. Yeah most of you are saying...I'm not a sociopath...but I think there is a part in all...there are days in which you don't care about how this decision or that affects another person. Even if it does affect them negatively, there is no guilt or remorse because it is our just dues. Don't think that it is possible...look up the profiles of a sociopath and see if it doesn't apply some days verses others. I'm not saying it makes you a complete sociopath or me...it just means that we all have the evil capacity. The darkness is the easy part. The light is the greatest achievement. It is the search and hope for the Light in life that we all strive for in one way or another. A definition we give based on experience and sometimes the lies we tell ourselves.

So I wonder, how can you hope for something so wonderful when you believe you die and become nothing. You can see history repeats itself, that people are remembered,but not as they truly. Only as truly as the need is filled. What is remembered in the future of you will not be what you put forth in life because it will be changed to the needs of the generation at the time. We remember what is most important to our life. It is human nature. I like the Christian belief. I like believing there is God who created me and knew me before I was born on this earth. Gave me free will to decide the path I chose, but loves me so unconditionally that He gave me a path to live eternally. I like knowing he has a plan for me. That I may choose to change many times along the way, but He loves me so much that he will guide me back when I am so far off the beaten path. Life is not easy. I'm glad because it is the easiest things we take for granted and so often forget. We remember all the hardships we have been through and the tremendous joy that have followed those really dark times. Yet....how do you hope and struggle through the hard times when you have no belief or cannot believe there is something greater than yourself to guide you? I pose questions for what I do not understand. I'm not the most saintly or strongest of Christians, I have many faults...but I have great faith. Where do you stand?

The Beginning

We start with a philosophy of right and wrong. It begins with the simplicity of immediate impact to your happiness...if it causes pain it's wrong...otherwise it's right. Then we begin to understand the complexities of morality passed to us from our parents. That are things that cause pain, but is the right thing to do. Then as time passes we begin to develop our own sense of morality. Baseline - parents morality...changed, highlighted, adapted on the experiences we gained. Through it all there is a sense of pain...physical, mental, or emotional. We quantify the pain in our morality scale to determine how much we are willing to give up for each situation. Does that truly define our moral character? Does it truly mean we are moral because our scale matches a majority and that we are less if it matches a minority group of people. As I look at the world that my kids are growing up in, I begin to think..."have we lost our sense of morality?"...yet...what does that mean? I want them to have a sense of right and wrong. Right and wrong that shows compassion to their fellow man without causing them to lose out on the things they should fight for themselves. Where is the fine line that defines what is ok to step out to take what you want when you know it causes some detriment to someone else? It is true for every person that steps ahead of the pack there are many more that are pushed behind. Some are happy in that arena behind the leaders. They support and they are the true strength.